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Learning to Be Present With The Dying
We are all ever-changing streams.
The man I thought I had come to know over the last two months was no longer there. Or was he? I'm wrestling with that question today and processing my experiences from last night.
As death comes closer for someone, they change.
But, is that change any different, really, than the changes we undergo on any given set of days?
I've been volunteering at a comfort care home for the last nine months. A comfort care home, as defined by Compassionandsupport.com, provides, at no cost to the resident and their families, "compassionate care for the dying and helps residents live their last days in comfort and love." The experience has been life-giving and life-changing for me. In these months, I've met amazing people and learned about their extraordinary lives, all alongside some of the most kind, compassionate, and caring people I have ever met.
Two months ago, a new resident came to the home, a gentleman in his 70s. Everyone who comes to a comfort care home has a prognosis that indicates they only have a few months of life before dying. This gentleman was no different. I was volunteering one of the first nights he was at the home, and we seemed to have an immediate connection. I sat with him while he told stories of his life and how the last few months had been challenging on his own. He shared about going to seminary school but leaving to put his faith into action through humanitarian efforts. I shared that I was a Buddhist exploring a deeper engagement with my spirituality.
Like every resident who comes to the home, the volunteers provide direct patient care, helping him with the bathroom, preparing small meals, and other general care. I spent much of my time in the evenings (when I typically volunteer) listening to his stories, sharing laughs, and at times crying together.
And, like every resident who comes, there comes a time when he began to transition toward dying. The end-of-life educator, Barbara Karnes, describes this process as the "11th hour." In her exceptional book, "Gone from my sight." she says, "The actual dying process often begins within the two weeks prior to death. There is a shift that occurs within a person that takes them from a mental…
